Essay & Opinion

How to Make a Family

The Family Diva, 2005

Sample -- A Reason for Being

Another day, another radio show.

Listening this morning, after dropping off at school My Son Who Will Conquer the World, I heard native Hawaiians making their case for a new level of sovereignty (listen to the NPR piece here). One of their elders, who also happens to be a US Senator, stated that while he's put a related legislative ball in motion, he is "leaving it up to [his] children and grandchildren" the outcome of the action's eventual possible results: renewal of Hawaiian national independence.

Who knows why certain words or phrases strike me deeply on certain days? I don't. Often their impact is lost just minutes from their utterance or appearance, sometimes they stick a bit longer. This morning, for some reason that I'll leave un-analyzed, the old man's very brief mention of leaving important work up to his familial followers rang loud and clear for me: his descendants have a reason for being.

GeoParent

2001

Sample --The Lottery of Life

On the tail of a month in which we got a lot more rain than needed, courtesy of Tropical Storm Allison, in which the property damage is just now being counted in the billions and, worse, lives were lost to this "minor" storm, Houston has suffered an even greater tragedy -- the deaths of five children.

No mystery. Just tragedy

Andrea Yates, a Clear Lake area resident, called police on the morning of June 20, 2001 to report she had drowned her own children, ages six months to 7 years old.

Naturally, this story is so horrific that even national news media picked up on it, rapidly descending on a typically quiet, middle-class suburb that lies in the shadow of the Johnson Space Center where the father, Russell Yates, works.

There is no mystery to this case, only tragedy. No who-really-done-it questions, no lengthy investigations required -- after all, the mother admitted to doing it, with a face one could only describe as emotionless. Andrea Yates has suffered from postpartum depression (PPD) since the birth of her fourth child. PPD will most likely factor into her defense strategy, and Yates' husband has voiced nothing but support for her.

Naturally, neighbors have been interviewed, and all report being shocked and dismayed that this could occur on their street and to this family, such "nice, regular" people. Now, accordingly, it appears that some look upon Andrea Yates as a monster. How could she have done this?

Conversely Magazine

Antidote section, 2001

Sample --But Do You Love Him?

'Well, tell me this,' asked Sam about his nephew, my errant husband. 'Do you love him?' Sam had called to find out why my husband was absent from work, so I had to tell him about the night before.

'He's gone, Sam. He just left last night,' I'd disclosed, uncomfortably.

Now, I did not feel particularly obliged to answer Sam's follow-up question about love - but it was a good question to ponder.

The simple answer, of course, was what I muttered, 'I really don't know at this point, Sam,' though that didn't begin to describe the full measure of my confusion.

I am, at almost forty years, damned tired of the whole concept of romantic love.

My journey down the romantic love path began a little differently than most. It all began in high school, when I enjoyed studying people and what makes them click. I dabbled in astrology and tarot, hoping to find a key to people's behavior. I relished the rare occasions when my Psychology or Family Living instructors actually got into deep discussions about why people do what they do, instead of the usual Values Clarification exercises that were assigned in public schools back then. Those classes started me thinking about love and marriage in terms of anthropology or sociology, as cultural artifacts and societal norms.

My early romantic relationships mirrored my precocious ponderings about love. I was far too serious and required heavy conversation from my partners. I wasn't very good at just having fun - I wanted to change the world, and there was a lot of work to be done.

MomsOnline-Oxygen.com, How to Make a Family

"Now I Know" column, 2000

Sample --Now I Know: Introduction

At a recent family gathering, my mother uttered one of her profound thoughts to me as I nursed my three month old son. My mom, whom I usually thought of as something other than cuddly when I was a kid, has become fairly "mushy" as she ages. I chalk it up to her near-death dance with an aneurism in 1991; sometimes, though, I think that I am just now getting to know who she has been all along. As I nursed Toby, she came over and quietly said "Now you know why mothers feel so attached to their children."

After nearly twenty years of working with families in a variety of settings, I can finally give a resounding "Yes!" to the question "Do you have children?", no small feat. No longer do I have to be wary of my answer and the typical glance of polite skepticism in return. Yes, I have joined the ranks, and as much as I liked to think that I knew all about parenting, I was wrong. I have been trained to recognize appropriate developmental milestones, and my son is following along as hoped. What I was not taught, and what I have learned cannot be taught before the role is secured, is how it feels to be a mother.

An overly-serious child, I consciously planned my life so that being a parent, the thing I wanted most, would happen somewhere in the middle of my life, rather than earlier. Little did I know that putting off pregnancy would work against me; however, we have prevailed over the trials of infertility, and as a result bring new and different feelings and skills to the parenting table.